Narcissism in the Workplace

Can you recognize a narcissist in the workplace? Narcissistic people may not just be a significant other, but can also appear as a boss or colleague. It is one of those things that is not really talked about, especially in a work environment. Narcissism in the workplace seems to be hidden. There could be many reasons for this. It could be possible that some people have been spared a situation of encountering a narcissistic person. Believe it or not, that does happen. It also could be that many people are not too aware of narcissistic people. Some people legitimately don’t know what to look for. They don’t know what narcissism is or what specific things a narcissist does. Maybe they have encountered a narcissistic person and never realized that they were actually dealing with a narcissistic person. Then you have those who enable the narcissist. These are the people who are going along with the narcissist, either to please them to obtain their acceptance or to get some sort of reward or promotion. It may look like the colleague that schmoozes the narcissistic boss to get that higher position or just to be in the boss’s good graces. Overtime, the enabler can also start to take on some of the narcissistic traits by manipulating, blaming, and gaslighting other workers who may have been deemed as “unworthy” by the narcissist. A lot of times they are in denial about the narcissist’s behaviors. As a result, they may justify and/or minimize the narcissist’s behaviors. People are often in denial when the truth is too painful to comprehend. The problem lies in the consequences of selling yourself short for the benefit of another person’s ego. Eventually, you lose yourself in the process. If you emerge from the denial, you feel powerless and stuck in the trenches believing that you will never get out. Then there is the person who may actually have some traits of narcissism themselves. They may be able to identify more with the narcissist and be able to deal with them better. Both of the narcissists think they are uniquely special and use each other to get what they want. It become a favor for favor exchange. Now, both of these narcissists would never believe that they were being used by each other. They may think that they are too great and powerful for anyone to have the audacity to screw them over. It is the overconfidence that increases their naivety. If one of them found out that they were being used by the other, then that could most certainly cause an extremely angry reaction. Evidently, they think they should be the only one doing the manipulating. Nonetheless, narcissists are good at feeding each others egos. These groups slowly migrate together to the places of power and control, stepping on those beneath them on their way up.

When you think of narcissism, many think of that CEO or president of some big company. Well how is it that narcissism finds its way to the top with all of their malignant and harmful behaviors? Simple, it’s because they know how to hide it. They may show those in power just how great they are. They may turn on the charm with these powerful people who pull them higher up the corporate ladder. The narcissist’s underlying fears and self-preservation influences them to put on the best performance of their lifetime. On the other hand, they are treating those below them as mechanical tools or annoying barriers to them gaining more power and control. If you’ve ever worked with a narcissist, it’s clear how toxic the environment becomes. The tension becomes thick. An overwhelming layer of fear becomes gradually filtered into the atmosphere. The employee turnover rate is at an all time high. Before you know it, you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells. You reluctantly get out of the bed in the morning to go to what feels like the most unpleasant chore of your life. You are working long hours, sacrificing your personal life, with this underlying fear that you could be fired at any moment. You wonder why you feel guilty for taking a day off. You constantly think about work at work and off the clock. You have two options. You can either give in to the demands of the narcissist, which can and will eventually cause burnout, or leave. One thing is clear, if the boss is a narcissist, then the employees are more likely to recognize it and lean on each other for support. People tend to recognize narcissism easier when the narcissist is in a power position.

What if the narcissist is not in a power position? Narcissistic traits can also be seen in colleagues that are at the same level as you. The narcissist colleague may gossip, start unfounded rumors, sabotage other employees, steal ideas, lie, and more. I once heard a co-worker state that they started a lie about another employee just to see how far the lie would go. Mind you, this was no innocent little white lie. It was something very humiliating that was fabricated and aimed to purposely hurt the other employee. Lets not include the fact that the admission was stated in a way as if there was no problem in doing something like this. A real indicator that their moral function is broken. The narcissist will hand pick their victims. They typically hone in on one person as the scapegoat who takes on the brunt of their narcissistic abuse. At the same time, they are using their charm to win over the other colleagues who feed their ego. Bonus points if you talk bad about the chosen scapegoat. They may actually encourage this. Now if you decide to confront the narcissist about their behaviors or decide to stand up for yourself, then it is you who becomes their next target. They might even start treating the original scapegoat better than you. How dare them! This is what you sometimes see, a shift in who they are targeting, mind games to keep their egos fed and to keep things interesting to make up for the emptiness that they feel inside. Betrayal is a common emotion for those who have been duped by the narcissist. Once the betrayal happens, reality become much more obvious. Once you see them for who they are, there is no way to unsee it. To add to the madness of it all, not many around you can see it. They may not see it until it happens to them. You may feel alone in a world of oblivious co-workers.

So what happens when you have to stay at your job at least for the time being? Well it’s clear that being defensive with them could cause you more of a headache than you bargained for. The fact that you are in this hurricane in the first place is because you care and might not know how to handle it. You have empathy, which is the biggest target for a narcissist. It takes time to learn how to disconnect from their tactics. When you learn that they are looking for a negative reaction from you, it’s easier to stop giving that to them. The one thing about those with narcissism is that they get bored very easily. If they see that you are not responding to their behaviors, then they typically give up and move on to the next victim. Though not always the case, it just makes it harder for them to get that ego boost that they so desperately need. Narcissists thrive on drama. It’s there way of feeling important knowing that someone got upset because of them. Their ego has overcome their entire being so much so that they lack the self-awareness to understand why they do what they do. However, they can see the insecurities in others quite clearly. They see other people’s insecurities as necessary to their survival. Nonetheless, within the core of their own being is a deep-seated insecurity. The more ego they have, the deeper the insecurity exists. So you can see that narcissism can actually be on a spectrum depending on how much ego is at play. It’s good to recognize how much toxicity you might be dealing with. That will help you to determine how much or if you should trust them. If you’ve learned that you can not trust them, then emotional separation is necessary. There has to be an acceptance that people like this exists. If someone shows you who they are, you should believe them the first time they show you. Are you thinking about taking your complaints to human resources? Tread lightly, the narcissist may have beat you there and have human resources in their narcissistic web. A lot of times, that is the first person in power that they try to get in with. If they can’t get to you like they want, it could be very possible that they may try to approach you from a different angle and manipulate you into trusting them again. Always beware, the information that they get from you could always be used against you. They understand that so that the power remains in their hands. At the end of the day, the best way to win the narcissist’s game is to refuse to play.